Five years ago, or maybe three, I found a white spot on each of my elbows. Turned out I have Vitiligo (google it). And recently, it has worsened. It hit me hard. "What???!!!!!", I yelled silently,"I have a still-incurable ailment??!!". I feel like crying everyday but only did a couple of times. This is one of the worst puishments ever. Who wants to lose his skin pigment? Especially when it happens gradually. It would be less damaging mentally if it went all as once. But I can picture myself turning pure white with just the pinkiness of my blood below my skin showing. Why does this happen? Medicine says its the genes. In other words, a curse.
Where is God? I've been praying and repenting over and over again to no avail. For almost 6 years now, and it has worsened instead, even though it stopped for a short while. I ask in anger, "Why me? Why not the terrorists who murder innocent people? Why not the corrupt people who cause hurt? Why not the cheaters? Why not the bullies? Why not the gangsters? Why not the drug pushers? Why not the child abusers? Why not those who dump their babies? Why not Osama?". And it has to be me.
Only tonight did I find some comfort in the Word, with some help from the "Purpose Driven Life" book. Maybe it's because I had not been strong in Him, took things for granted and Vitiligo was the best way to bring me to my senses. Isaiah says," The Lord has hidden himself from his people, but I trust Him and place my hope in Him."(Isaiah 8:17). Maybe it's to make me realise the deeper mistakes and attrocities in me that I had not paid attention to. Maybe it's to reinforce my hope and trust in Him in times of great trouble, which this really is. Comfort, there may be when I had reveiwed my life, as " The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."(Psalm 34:18). I am crushed. Only made worse when the word incurable is given. Who would understand this thing? Even if it's not contagious, which normal human wouldn't look twice before approaching? I wouldn't want to think what I'll go through in a few years.
In all these complaints, I am thankful that I'm healthy otherwise. I am thankful that I'm alive. I'm thankful to have a family, a shelter, education, food, stable finances and a great country to live in. For now I know, you'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you've got.
"I need your healing touch, God. In Christ's Name, Amen."
