Five years ago, or maybe three, I found a white spot on each of my elbows. Turned out I have Vitiligo (google it). And recently, it has worsened. It hit me hard. "What???!!!!!", I yelled silently,"I have a still-incurable ailment??!!". I feel like crying everyday but only did a couple of times. This is one of the worst puishments ever. Who wants to lose his skin pigment? Especially when it happens gradually. It would be less damaging mentally if it went all as once. But I can picture myself turning pure white with just the pinkiness of my blood below my skin showing. Why does this happen? Medicine says its the genes. In other words, a curse.
Where is God? I've been praying and repenting over and over again to no avail. For almost 6 years now, and it has worsened instead, even though it stopped for a short while. I ask in anger, "Why me? Why not the terrorists who murder innocent people? Why not the corrupt people who cause hurt? Why not the cheaters? Why not the bullies? Why not the gangsters? Why not the drug pushers? Why not the child abusers? Why not those who dump their babies? Why not Osama?". And it has to be me.
Only tonight did I find some comfort in the Word, with some help from the "Purpose Driven Life" book. Maybe it's because I had not been strong in Him, took things for granted and Vitiligo was the best way to bring me to my senses. Isaiah says," The Lord has hidden himself from his people, but I trust Him and place my hope in Him."(Isaiah 8:17). Maybe it's to make me realise the deeper mistakes and attrocities in me that I had not paid attention to. Maybe it's to reinforce my hope and trust in Him in times of great trouble, which this really is. Comfort, there may be when I had reveiwed my life, as " The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."(Psalm 34:18). I am crushed. Only made worse when the word incurable is given. Who would understand this thing? Even if it's not contagious, which normal human wouldn't look twice before approaching? I wouldn't want to think what I'll go through in a few years.
In all these complaints, I am thankful that I'm healthy otherwise. I am thankful that I'm alive. I'm thankful to have a family, a shelter, education, food, stable finances and a great country to live in. For now I know, you'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you've got.
"I need your healing touch, God. In Christ's Name, Amen."
11 comments:
Vitiligo? Serious? All the while I thought that was a birthmark or something on your hand. After all, it was not THAT conspicuous.
Are you sure there's no treatment?
It spreads if it wants to. Sigh, there are topical treatments but nothings stops it in its tracks so far. Seems there are some experimental gene drugs in the making. Hope that works.
Some vitiligo patients' symptoms (is this the correct word)don't spread. Don't verry
Being good doesn't ensure you, or anyone for that matter, free from dangers/sickness/etc. Being evil doesn't ensure you, or anyone for that matter, a life of danger/sickness/etc.
Learn to accept that this is one of God's test on you, and to see how far/deep does your faith in Him goes. Remember the book of Jobs in the Bible?
However, unlike the book, you might not be healed/blessed/etc here in your life on Earth, but a strong faith in Him will reward you later.
In fact, there are many innocent people out there that dies young, or is suffering from a deadly disease. (I know a few) As unfair as it may seem, it is not our say to judge whether what God does is fair or not. He works in His own way, people always say.
But at least I can see that you still trust in God. That's good.
Thanks. Yea, its not our call.
Hello Jien, been looking for the latest info on carbuncle and found Where is God? Where?. Though not exactly what I was searching for, it did get my attention. Interesting post, thanks for a great read.
Hoi... Mew here. Just read ur blog... Dun worry so much la... Glad that u r grateful overall for what God has given to u. Just continue to seek Him and pray loh... Dun worry la... I will include u in my prayer list also. Really... I never knew much about it, not until I read it just now. You have Jesus by your side!!! OKO.. Remember... I am praying!
hi
im sorry. but be strong. afterall the effect is purely cosmetic and at elast its not on your face. this sort of things bring us closer to God.
Yo.
I looked it up on google and there was a site that suggested possible treatments.
This site :-
http://www.niams.nih.gov/hi/topics/vitiligo/vitiligo.htm#7
You probably visited it before but just in case you haven't, well...
Anyway, keep your head up. You've got so much more to look forward to anyway.
thanks for the support. really appreciate it.
Be positive!
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